Remote Controls

I wanted to turn on the tv in the living room a little while ago, but couldn't. In this world we live in, everything is now controled by remotes. And we are lazy. We, at present count, between three guys, have 27 remotes in our apartment. And only one of them is a universal remote, which is mine and currently controls my tv, stereo, and DVD player. In the living room are 20 more remotes. The sad thing is, there are only 5 electronic devices in there that use a remote. And since none of those devices are mine, I have no idea which remote belongs to which device. So as I sat pressing the power button on each and every remote, turning on everything BUT the tv, I decided it was time to get a universal remote for the living room and lock the rest of the remotes in a drawer and never mention them again. Then I found the right remote and became lost in the vast mindlessness of cable.

I am pretty sure the a/c in my pickup died once and for all Friday. I am afraid to turn it on in fear of the compressor blowing up and forcing me to replace it. That shits expensive yo. But I did get a free ticket to go see Fantastic 4. Unfortunately I will most likely not go see it so it will be going to waste. Oh well, it was free for me. But if anyone wants to trade a different movie ticket for it, let me know and I will take your movie ticket from you. You of course will no longer have a ticket to anything, but thats your own fault for actually thinking that I would give you a ticket in a fair trade. You should know me better than that.

So I think I am an alcoholic. Its not that I drink a lot, its just that when I drink, I drink. Last night we broke open a bottle of Southern Comfort. Bad idea. I happen to enjoy Southern Comfort. A lot. So Conrad made me a drink. Then I made it stronger. Twice. What can I say, I like to taste the alcohol that is in the drinks.

I have a really bad habit of meeting women who are about to graduate or are married. I'm not sure what it is, but I cannot meet a woman who is single and not leaving within three months(now usually this wouldn't be bad, but most don't want a relationship for three months and then end it. I, on the other hand, wouldn't mind a relationship that lasted just three months and then ended on good terms. And by good terms I mean me not getting hit. Over and over.). It sucks. Married women are, well, married and therefore technically off limits, and women who are leaving usually don't want to start a relationship with me. Or maybe its that women in general don't want to start a relationship with me. I'm not sure. But I think I will stick to believing the first one. It is better for my fragile ego. But my friend in Dallas said she would hook me up with one of her hot nursing friends if I come and see her, so I will probably be going to Dallas first chance I get.*

I would like to take a moment and thank all the people who have come and visited over the summer. It really helps ease the monotony of seeing no one. The rest of yall suck. Thanks for nothing.** Now I understand some of yall have jobs or school or whatever other lame excuse yall come up with, but yall still suck. Oh, and the reason I can't come see yall is because I have a job and school and some other stuff that I made prior obligations to, and I really can't break them. Oh well, all this alone time has given me time to reflect and shit. Actually, it gives me time to sleep, which is good because I happen to enjoy sleeping. But a phone call would be nice every once and a while. I know what you are thinking. And yes, I am sitting here naked right now eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. But why were you thinking that? Your sick. And no, I can't call people because my phone won't let me making outgoing calls or something like that. Otherwise I would. Well, I'm out of stuff to talk about and yall are probably asleep so I am gonna go see which remote turns on the stereo. Laters.


*Weekend relationships are the best. You usually never have to see the person again unless you really want too. And I have no shame, so it works perfectly for me. Well, in theory anyway.

**There is still half a summer left to redeme yourself. But you better hurry. This offer lasts for a limited time only.