The History of the Leash

Leash: something that restrains.
The leash came about in the year 1 million BC when dinosaurs ruled the earth. The cave men didn't like the fact that they were not at the top of the food chain and were getting eaten on a daily basis by Mr. Rex and his family. So one day Mr. Ogg Ugg and Mr. Robert Lee Franklin (as you might have guessed, he was made fun of a lot growing up because of his strange name) decided to create something that they could use to restrain the large, carnivorous beasts. They found a long vine, tied a loop in it, and waited in a tree for Tyranny Rex to walk by. When he did, they threw the loop around his neck. Now, Ogg and Robert did not think the plan through very well. They were still holding the vine when Tyranny took off. And they didn't let go. And they were drug along for about a mile. And it hurt. But that is beside the point. The point is, on that fateful day, a device was created that would forever restrain dogs and men.

Dog: a. a male canine. b. a worthless person.
Man: a bipedal primate mammal. (see also Dog)
Ever since that time, man and dog have been restrained against their will. The dog cannot piss where it wants, sniff what it wants, or chase the females it considers attractive. The canine is restrained in many of the same ways, but it is allowed to piss where it wants, so long as the man-dog cleans it up.

Women have been using the leash ever since Ogg and Robert walked back to the cave with Tyranny following on the leash. Of course, both Ogg and Robert were reprimanded when Tyranny ate some of the cave kids, but that was to be expected. I mean, come on, you've got a 20 ton carnivorous animal living with a bunch of bipedal-cave-dwelling-spear-throwing-wall-drawing men on leashes. The cave women certainly weren't going to take poor ol' Tyranny any food. They were too busy congratulating themselves on successfully becoming in charge of the cave.

Anyway, that is the history of the leash. Guys, you can all thank Ogg and Robert for a lifetime of hell. Women, you can thank Ogg and Robert for devising a way for men to control the dogs you hate so much.