Dr. Pepper

Did you know that the wonderful drink, Dr. Pepper, was invented here in Texas? Waco, Texas, to be exact. Did you also know that most states above the Mason-Dixie line do not carry Dr. Pepper? Its an abomination I tell ya. How can they not stock one of the tastiest carbonated beverages ever made?! It drives me loco to go up north and order a Dr. Pepper only to get the response "Oh, I'm sorry, we don't have Dr. Pepper here. How about a Pepsi?" ...Did I order a Pepsi? Did I even order a Coke? No, I did not. I ordered a Dr. Pepper. The next closest thing to that is Mr. Pibb, and its still not even close. If I wanted a Pepsi (which I obviously didn't) then I would have ordered one. Now go out and get me a damn Dr. Pepper before I slit your throat you lazy ass disrespectful no good northern wanker.*

You know what really grinds my gears? Little baby rabbits. Thats right, I despise the cuddly little furballs. They are so damn cute and then they grow up and eat all your carrots. They eat my carrots which I planted and watered and nutured and then they come and eat them. It keeps me up at night. And sometimes I cry a little bit.** Then I wake up the next morning and I go hunting wabbits. And if you go you gotta be vewwy vewwy quiet so we can sneek up on em and shoot em and eat em in a big pot of stew. Wabbit stew. Mmmm.

If I said you had a beautiful foot would you let me lick it? Well, would you? Come on, I need an answer ASAP. Cause if you won't I know someone who will and I will just go lick their foot and then where would you be? You wouldn't be getting your foot licked thats for sure.





*I don't really dislike northerners. I just like Dr. Pepper and think yall should have the opportunity to enjoy it also. Oh, and yall aren't all wankers.

**I don't actually cry. Guys don't cry, especially when they are also robots. Unless they are gay robots. Then they cry all the time. But I have a heart of stone and never ever cry.