All Alone, Surrounded By People

You ever get that feeling that you are all alone, even when your in a room full of people? I get that all the time. For me, I think that it is because no one here really understands me, or even knows that much about me. Growing up, it was hard for me to hang out with kids my age, mostly because we lived so far out of town that I couldn't just go to a friends house. I would have to have a ride everywhere, and since most of the time my parents were busy with work, I would just have to stay at home. I got pretty good at just being by myself, entertaining myself, finding stuff I could do alone. Even when I bought my first pickup, I never really went into town and hung out with my friends. I would go to school, come home, work, and after work I would usually take my dog hunting or ride my four-wheeler around the farm. I really only went and hung out once, maybe twice a week, and that was on friday or saturday night. So when I went off to college, it was a whole new experience for me to have people my age around all the time. No matter where I went, there was someone there. But even then, I still kinda kept to myself. When I do hang out with people, I don't do a lot of talking. I just sit back and listen to others, learning about them. And I enjoy it. It lets me see into other people's lives, how they lived, what problems they are facing, and what makes them happy. But I have come to realize, over the past year, that no one really knows that much about me. Sure, they know where I'm from, what my major is, how many sisters I have, but I bet no one here could tell you my favorite color, favorite song, what I look for in a girl, all the stuff that really makes a person who they are. Its not their fault, it just takes me a while to really open up to people. I haven't always been around people in an environment where I could really open up, because lets face it, schools frown on (or at least they used to) talking during class. And that was really the only time I ever saw people. And now, when I do hang out with people, they sometimes get frustrated when I am undecisive on what I want to do or watch or whatever. But honestly, I don't care what we do, because usually I am happy just to be around people that actually want to hang out with me. If all we did was sit and stare at the wall, I would be happy (as long as we could change it up every know and then and stare at a different wall). And sometimes I still just want to be alone. Not alone alone, but alone with someone not doing anything at all. And that probably doesn't make much sense to anyone but me, but oh well. Thats life, and truthfully, I'm pretty happy with my life. Sure, there are some little things I would like to change, but then again, not really. Because then I wouldn't be me and I don't really wanna be anyone else, so yeah, thats about it. Laters.