Birthdays

Birthdays are like girlfriends, they are lots of fun, expensive, last a short time, and I only have them once a year. So I have now reached the great age of 20, not old enough to buy alcohol the legal way but old enough to feel old. I'm thinking about sleeping for the next 363 days. But I dunno, maybe I'll only sleep for half the time. Birthdays are also like amnesia. You dont remember what happened, but if you see pictures, you cant deny what happened.

Mandy: Great party last night Ben!!
Ed: I had a party last night?
Mandy: Yeah, for your birthday. You were crazy!!
Ed: Ah shit, what did I do?!
Mandy: Well, first off you hooked up with Alisha and Tabitha (wink wink). You whore. You know, Tabitha was ready to jump your bones last night. I'm surprised you didnt get raped.
Ed: Aw man, it woulda been so cool if I would have gotten raped. I havent gotten laid since my last girlfriend, which was about a year ago, on my birthday. I dont really remember that day either. Man, maybe I oughta stop drinking so much. I think I might have a problem. Na, f**&# that, it was my birthday.
Mandy: Yeah....so anyway, your a whore. And Keith wants you to clean out the hot tub.
Ed: Hot tub? What hot tub?

So you get the picture. You have a birthday, you get shloggered (start using that word instead of drunk or wasted, we are trying to get it around), things happen that you dont remember, girls feel guilty, guys wish there were video cameras to help jog their memory, and one of your friends starts a gay website about you and one of your friends because for 2 nights in a row she has taken pictures with one of you in the others lap. But it doesnt bother you too much because it makes a lot of money which means you can put off finding a job that you havent really been looking for anyway. Then someone you know stumbles onto the website and spreads a rumor around to all the girls you like that you are gay. Which totally screws up your world because now you cant get a date or a prostitute because the website was shut down and you lost your source of income. I feel sorry for Ed. He cant catch a break. Which is why birthdays are like women, both are lots of fun while they last, but the next day day they leave you feeling f*$#ed up/over and they both pretend like nothing happened. Well, I'm gonna go eat.