More Random Thoughts

People take what I write too seriously. Yall need to take everything I say with a cup of salt (but thats only if that saying really belongs here. If not, then yall just don't need to take everything I write seriously.). That is all.

So about that whole world coming to an end thing. I guess its not happening. Although it does look like California will be sliding into the ocean within the next decade. No loss there. And whats with that crazy incest man who killed nine of his kids? That man has problems. And his lawyers are saying he did nothing wrong. I think they are on crack. I swear, some people...

I think I finally figured out why I like fire so much. I think its mostly because its fire, and fire is cool. But also because it can do so much, like burn stuff. Well, actually, that is the only thing it can do, but it does it so well. I mean, water can't burn stuff. Unless, of course, the water is boiling. But thats just not as cool. And fire has so many uses. You can set off fireworks with it, burn down buildings, get cool scars by trusting your friends (sorry Josh, but you did trust me. I mean seriously, you should have known better), and set girls hair on fire because you aren't very suave (yeah, thats right, I'm talking about you Luke).

Heres a handy little tip, even though anti-freeze smells good, don't drink it. Unless your name is Sean, then drink as much as you can and disregard the rest of this paragraph. Are you reading this? No? Good. For the rest of you, anti-freeze is highly toxic. Which is why you shouldn't let your dog drink it. The cat can drink as much as it wants because cats have an immunity to anti-freeze...Seriously, they do. And so do people named Sean. Trust me on this. I've done plenty of experiments with people named Sean drinking anti-freeze, and I am not going to tell you the results of said experiments.

If you have ever wondered what coke does to rats, then give one some coke. They swell up like a balloon. Its pretty cool. Kinda like what rice does to birds. But it can get kinda messy. So I suggest you either do it outside or be prepared to clean up splattered rat guts off the sleeper sofa your friends told you not to get because they are f*#($&% heavy as hell and they won't help you move it so you are going to have to do it yourself and when you try it falls on you and you get trapped and no one finds you until its too late and when the cops get there they wonder why there is blood and guts splattered on the walls and word gets out that you were a pshyco killer who tortured small animals and your family is ashamed of the man you were and burn all memory of you, which turns out is another good use of fire.

Well, I almost have the a/c in my pickup fixed. Now I know why it costs so much to work on that. You have to jump around on one leg singing the national anthem for one bolt to come loose. Then you have to make a sacrifice to get the switch off. And let me tell you, burning flesh smells bad. But at least its almost working. But I there is some bad news. When I got home yesterday our apartment was a billion degrees*. Which, surprisingly, is 5 degrees cooler than hell. so I went around trying to figure out why the a/c wasn't working. And I found nothing so I called the master repair guy, who is really sarcastic and would probably burn in hell when he dies except for the fact that he fixes air conditioners and hell doesn't want air conditioners. But it turns out the new lawn mower guy Mercantile Properties hired can't see wire that is 2 inches thick sticking out of the ground and ran it over, which shorted out a transformer, which burned up a switch in the a/c unit, which caused our apartment to get hotter than Jessica Simpson's car washing video in slow motion. Which by its self isn't really all that hot, but imagine her doing it naked. Now that would be hot. I think I will end on that note and leave that image in your mind. Happy car washing.

*I have exagerated here. It was actually closer to 994,839,482 degrees, but I rounded up.