Soul

So I sold my soul to the devil today, but I think I got cheated. Yeah, I know, the devil, cheat, whats up with that? I think I got a dirty sock and some kind of "superpower," the power to control women, or something like that. In my defense, I didn't really believe that he was the devil until the sock appeared as if out of thin air. Once that happened, I realized I should have asked for more, like 2 clean socks or something. But the woman controlling should be pretty cool. I haven't really used it yet, except on those incoming freshmen who kept bringing me food. This could turn out to be quite handy. I just need to keep myself from abusing the power and using it for evil and stuff...oh, who am I kidding, I am gonna abuse the hell out of it. I can see it now...

Me: Hey, wanna come over to my place?
Kelly: No, not really.
Me: Oh, I think you do.
Kelly: Not so much.
Me: ...Yes...yes you do.
Kelly: Nope, I'm pretty sure I don't.
Me: Damn devil, he said it would work on every female.
Kelly: Oh, well thats your problem, I'm not really a girl.
Me: ...(long pause) Heres my friend Sean's number, I think yall would really hit it off.
Her/him: Ok, thanks. I'll call him right away.
A few hours later...
Sean: Hey, thanks a bunch for hooking me up with Kelly, I really like her.
Me: ...Yeah, no prob. Glad to do it.

So it turns out that the devil didn't lie, it does work on women. Just not men pretending to be women. Or anyone I choose not to use it on. So, really, this makes for a good way to tell if it is trans or a sex-change shemale thing. But still, I wouldn't recomend doing business with the devil, mostly on account that he is evil and stuff, but also because he tends to cheat you a little. Shoulda asked for 2 clean socks...

Do you go to bed angry at someone? Did that guy who cut you off piss you off so bad you wish he was dead? Do you have an ex that just won't leave you alone? If so, call 484-DEAD and me and my associates will take care of your problem for a reasonable fee. The fee includes expenses, disposal, and a proven alibi. We do all the dirty work so you don't have to.*

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Well, thats about all the ads I have to run at this time, but there might be some more later on. Now, ladies, bring me some cookies and milk, it is time for my afternoon snack.

*This is not actually a hit service. DO NOT call that number. Death and destruction will follow if you call that number, most likey to you.** Trust me, you do not want to call that number.

**Actually, if you call that number, you will either a) not get an answer or b) get someone who is probably not gonna be very happy that you called them looking for a hit service.