Chairs

So I was flying along the other day and I looked down and saw this chair. It wasn't just any old chair. It was, quite possibly, the most fantastic chair ever. And that is quite an accomplishment, even in this day and age. It had a built in, full body massage, heat/cool settings, a built in fridge, oven, and keg, automatic door answerer, and mother-in-law get-rid-of-er (it gets rid of unwanted mother-in-laws). It was a wonderful day.

Have you ever had one of those days where you just really don't know how to percieve most of the things that happened? Well, I did the other day. I saw an elephant juggling china plates while standing on its head, and I could not figure out how the hell he kept his shirt from falling over his head. It was amazing!! That elephant was really talented. I mean, keeping your shirt down is one of the hardest things to do while standing on your head. Then he told me he wasn't really upside-down, that it was just an inversed image of him. That made me angry. So I shot him. Now he sits on the corner of Austin and North and begs for money. Lazy ass.

But seriously, it has become increasingly harder to know how to take things. If you take something the wrong way, then that could really ruin a lot. Take the cartoons of Mohammad. That has really caused quite a bit of conflict. Over what, a few lousy drawings? I mean, you shouldn't make fun of what people believe, but a few drawings that piss you off doesn't justify killing people. I guess I really don't agree with either side of the issue. Don't print stuff that you know is gonna make people mad, and don't kill people over cartoons. Unfortunately, other people see things differently.

Of course, most of the decisions I make based off what I percieve aren't gonna result in anyone dying. Hopefully. If it does, well, then that'll suck I guess.

A Day in the Life of Me

This is a typical day in the life of me:
4:00 a.m.----------------Wake up and do 10,000 push-ups and sit ups.
4:01 a.m.----------------Run 10 miles.
4:02 a.m.----------------Eat 4 dozen eggs, 10 waffles, and 5 pounds of bacon.
4:03-12:00 p.m.---------Save the world till class, then just in between classes.
12:01 p.m.---------------Eat 20 steaks, 10 potatoes, and 8 loafs of bread with jelly.
12:02 p.m.-5:00 a.m.----Save the world and finish my homework; work on Mondays, Thursdays, and some weekends.
5:01 a.m.----------------Go back in time to 3:00 a.m. and get an hour of sleep...then do it all again.

Now all of you know why I don't have time to do anything else. Of course, some of you are saying to yourselves, "self, you see Eric on occasion. How is that possible with his busy schedule?!" Well, you see, I have a twin brother. His name is Jacob. Actually hes not a twin. When I was 10 I decided to split myself in half so that I could be in 2 places at once. Turns out that I can regenerate lost body parts and now there are 2 of me. Whoda thunk it?

So yesterday I met up with Chuck Norris. We hung out for a while, save the world a few dozen times, shot some pool (we played pool with boulders cause we can), then drank the national supply of beer. Ol' Chuck can really hold his beer. Plus he has an awesome beer bong that holds thirty 30-packs of beer. Yesterday was an ok day. Today wasn't too bad either. No hang over or nothin'. I'm good like that.



DISCLAIMER:
You, (insert your name here), in no way endorse this story as being false. Anything and everything has the ability to be true and who are you to say otherwise. So quit being jelous of me and Chuck. Before you get roundhouse-kicked back to 1976. Yeah.