More Random Thoughts

People take what I write too seriously. Yall need to take everything I say with a cup of salt (but thats only if that saying really belongs here. If not, then yall just don't need to take everything I write seriously.). That is all.

So about that whole world coming to an end thing. I guess its not happening. Although it does look like California will be sliding into the ocean within the next decade. No loss there. And whats with that crazy incest man who killed nine of his kids? That man has problems. And his lawyers are saying he did nothing wrong. I think they are on crack. I swear, some people...

I think I finally figured out why I like fire so much. I think its mostly because its fire, and fire is cool. But also because it can do so much, like burn stuff. Well, actually, that is the only thing it can do, but it does it so well. I mean, water can't burn stuff. Unless, of course, the water is boiling. But thats just not as cool. And fire has so many uses. You can set off fireworks with it, burn down buildings, get cool scars by trusting your friends (sorry Josh, but you did trust me. I mean seriously, you should have known better), and set girls hair on fire because you aren't very suave (yeah, thats right, I'm talking about you Luke).

Heres a handy little tip, even though anti-freeze smells good, don't drink it. Unless your name is Sean, then drink as much as you can and disregard the rest of this paragraph. Are you reading this? No? Good. For the rest of you, anti-freeze is highly toxic. Which is why you shouldn't let your dog drink it. The cat can drink as much as it wants because cats have an immunity to anti-freeze...Seriously, they do. And so do people named Sean. Trust me on this. I've done plenty of experiments with people named Sean drinking anti-freeze, and I am not going to tell you the results of said experiments.

If you have ever wondered what coke does to rats, then give one some coke. They swell up like a balloon. Its pretty cool. Kinda like what rice does to birds. But it can get kinda messy. So I suggest you either do it outside or be prepared to clean up splattered rat guts off the sleeper sofa your friends told you not to get because they are f*#($&% heavy as hell and they won't help you move it so you are going to have to do it yourself and when you try it falls on you and you get trapped and no one finds you until its too late and when the cops get there they wonder why there is blood and guts splattered on the walls and word gets out that you were a pshyco killer who tortured small animals and your family is ashamed of the man you were and burn all memory of you, which turns out is another good use of fire.

Well, I almost have the a/c in my pickup fixed. Now I know why it costs so much to work on that. You have to jump around on one leg singing the national anthem for one bolt to come loose. Then you have to make a sacrifice to get the switch off. And let me tell you, burning flesh smells bad. But at least its almost working. But I there is some bad news. When I got home yesterday our apartment was a billion degrees*. Which, surprisingly, is 5 degrees cooler than hell. so I went around trying to figure out why the a/c wasn't working. And I found nothing so I called the master repair guy, who is really sarcastic and would probably burn in hell when he dies except for the fact that he fixes air conditioners and hell doesn't want air conditioners. But it turns out the new lawn mower guy Mercantile Properties hired can't see wire that is 2 inches thick sticking out of the ground and ran it over, which shorted out a transformer, which burned up a switch in the a/c unit, which caused our apartment to get hotter than Jessica Simpson's car washing video in slow motion. Which by its self isn't really all that hot, but imagine her doing it naked. Now that would be hot. I think I will end on that note and leave that image in your mind. Happy car washing.

*I have exagerated here. It was actually closer to 994,839,482 degrees, but I rounded up.

Remote Controls

I wanted to turn on the tv in the living room a little while ago, but couldn't. In this world we live in, everything is now controled by remotes. And we are lazy. We, at present count, between three guys, have 27 remotes in our apartment. And only one of them is a universal remote, which is mine and currently controls my tv, stereo, and DVD player. In the living room are 20 more remotes. The sad thing is, there are only 5 electronic devices in there that use a remote. And since none of those devices are mine, I have no idea which remote belongs to which device. So as I sat pressing the power button on each and every remote, turning on everything BUT the tv, I decided it was time to get a universal remote for the living room and lock the rest of the remotes in a drawer and never mention them again. Then I found the right remote and became lost in the vast mindlessness of cable.

I am pretty sure the a/c in my pickup died once and for all Friday. I am afraid to turn it on in fear of the compressor blowing up and forcing me to replace it. That shits expensive yo. But I did get a free ticket to go see Fantastic 4. Unfortunately I will most likely not go see it so it will be going to waste. Oh well, it was free for me. But if anyone wants to trade a different movie ticket for it, let me know and I will take your movie ticket from you. You of course will no longer have a ticket to anything, but thats your own fault for actually thinking that I would give you a ticket in a fair trade. You should know me better than that.

So I think I am an alcoholic. Its not that I drink a lot, its just that when I drink, I drink. Last night we broke open a bottle of Southern Comfort. Bad idea. I happen to enjoy Southern Comfort. A lot. So Conrad made me a drink. Then I made it stronger. Twice. What can I say, I like to taste the alcohol that is in the drinks.

I have a really bad habit of meeting women who are about to graduate or are married. I'm not sure what it is, but I cannot meet a woman who is single and not leaving within three months(now usually this wouldn't be bad, but most don't want a relationship for three months and then end it. I, on the other hand, wouldn't mind a relationship that lasted just three months and then ended on good terms. And by good terms I mean me not getting hit. Over and over.). It sucks. Married women are, well, married and therefore technically off limits, and women who are leaving usually don't want to start a relationship with me. Or maybe its that women in general don't want to start a relationship with me. I'm not sure. But I think I will stick to believing the first one. It is better for my fragile ego. But my friend in Dallas said she would hook me up with one of her hot nursing friends if I come and see her, so I will probably be going to Dallas first chance I get.*

I would like to take a moment and thank all the people who have come and visited over the summer. It really helps ease the monotony of seeing no one. The rest of yall suck. Thanks for nothing.** Now I understand some of yall have jobs or school or whatever other lame excuse yall come up with, but yall still suck. Oh, and the reason I can't come see yall is because I have a job and school and some other stuff that I made prior obligations to, and I really can't break them. Oh well, all this alone time has given me time to reflect and shit. Actually, it gives me time to sleep, which is good because I happen to enjoy sleeping. But a phone call would be nice every once and a while. I know what you are thinking. And yes, I am sitting here naked right now eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. But why were you thinking that? Your sick. And no, I can't call people because my phone won't let me making outgoing calls or something like that. Otherwise I would. Well, I'm out of stuff to talk about and yall are probably asleep so I am gonna go see which remote turns on the stereo. Laters.


*Weekend relationships are the best. You usually never have to see the person again unless you really want too. And I have no shame, so it works perfectly for me. Well, in theory anyway.

**There is still half a summer left to redeme yourself. But you better hurry. This offer lasts for a limited time only.

The Girl(s) Next Door

First off, let me start by saying the girls next door are very beautiful. And I am pretty sure that each and every one of them has a boyfriend or a sort. Not that thats a bad thing. I believe that no one should be alone. Its just that they should be with me. Not because I'm popular, good looking, rich, etc...because I'm not. They should be with me because it would be a great confidence booster. For me, not them. It probably would only make them feel good about themselves for doing something nice to...I mean for someone else.

So my 3rd roomate finally got here, but he is only staying for a few days. But for those few days, we can make all the "so a black guy, a mexican, and a white guy" jokes we want. Cause we are a black guy, a mexican, and a white guy. So we can do that. Which we do. But they aren't very funny. So no one else will ever hear them. Till we see them, then the jokes will probably be repeated.

Computer programs are not fun to write. It takes a real nerd to be able to sit down and write hundreds of lines of code to make this shit work. And me taking a computer programming class has proved to me that I am not as big of a nerd as Conrad. He takes the cake. (And help me on this, red is not a flavor of coolade is it? Huh, is it, huh? Didn't think so.)

So I think the whole food situation has finally peaked. I am no longer spending a hundred dollar every week on food. Its so nice. Although I don't know how much longer I can live off ramen. Its good and cheap and all, but I'm startin' to get hungry.* It would be a good diet. Maybe I should patent this idea and make millions so I can eat. Waves hand in a jedi fashion. I have said nothing about ramen being cheap and making you loose weight. Oooh, look, its a girl next door. Pretty.

Da don da da don da da don da da. Don don don da da da don da da. (Star Wars theme) Natalie Portman is one hot mama. Yes she is. Yes she is. Thats all there really is to say about that. Oh, and I want to do her...a favor. Anything she asks. I would drag my body through a mile of broken glass just to smell the tires on the truck that took her laundry to the cleaners. If I said she had beautiful feet, do you think she would let me lick them? Probably not. She would probably have me arrested and slap my happy ass with a restraining order.

So there are fireflies here. We never had them back home. They are pretty cool. I think I'm gonna go catch some. Until next time, keep the women hot and the lotion handy, cause you never know when your gonna have dry skin. (You and your dirty mind.) Laters.

*But at 10 cents each, I can't complain much.

Misconceptions

Well, I was feeling all deep and profound a little bit ago, so I decided to update. But then I figured that there is probably only one or two people that read this thing, and since I wrote it, I don't really count. So instead I am just going to clear up some misconceptions people in general have.

Misconception: Men are lazy.
Truth: Men are lazy. But that doesn't mean we won't get off our asses to do stuff we enjoy. I will gladly go out and have a few beers, as long as someone else pays.

Misconception: I am an asshole.
Truth: ...Its not that I am an asshole, I'm just a little harsh sometimes. But I am only harsh to the people who really matter. So if I am eternally nice to you, sorry, but you're fucked. Don't worry, its not like its a big lose or anything.

Misconception: All country music is the same, the dog died, the woman left, etc..
Truth: Well thats just a load of shit. Nashville country music usually does suck, I will say that. But if you listen to the old stuff or the music that comes from anywhere but Nashville, you usually get pretty good stuff. Take Cross Canadian Ragweed. All there music comes to you straight from Texas and Oklahoma. And they really aren't country. Its more like rock with a harmonica. that shits good yo.

Misconception: All engineers majors are nerds.
Truth: Only the dumb ones are nerds. And Jeremy, but thats because he switched to plain physics. Wheres the fun in that? If it wasn't for engineers, you all would still be trying to drive with square tires. So shut up.

Misconception: Chevy owners hate ford guys.
Truth: Chevy owners love ford guys (in a completely heterosexual way). If it wasn't for the broken down fords, what would we work on?

Misconception: Old people drive slow because they are old.
Truth: Old people drive slow to piss people off. They don't have anywhere inportant to go, they just want something to do. They enjoy making people late for important meetings and lunch.

Misconception: Cowboys/country boys are dickweeds who are racist and generally stupid.
Truth: Those are just the wanna be cowboys/country boys and people from Tennessee. A true cowboy/country boy is anyone who enjoys going out and having fun (of course, it usually does involve the outdoors somehow). If being a country boy means that I support our troops, love Texas, work on cars, and hunt, then damnit, I am a country boy. Those guys you grew up with who where a bunch of racist idiots who drove trucks, dipped Cope, and thought they were cowboys were nothing but posers who wore wranglers. And they probably didn't even look good in 'em.

Eh, I'm bored. But this pie is good. Laters.

This Ones Kinda Serious

When Erika Eckstrom began dating her boyfriend at the start of her College freshman year at 18 things were great, but her situation deteriorated and she soon was friendless, isolated and the victim of domestic violence. "Everything was great and when it started really getting bad I don't know if it was denial, but I knew something was wrong, because I was without a support system," said Eckstrom, now 20 and still in college in Washington but dating someone else. Her story is apparently common among teenagers. According to a study released on Thursday, more than half of America's teens know friends who have experienced physical, sexual or verbal abuse in their dating relationships. Among those surveyed, 13 percent of teenage girls, admit to being physically injured or hit and one in four report being pressured to perform oral sex or engage in intercourse, according to the survey by the private research group Teenage Research Unlimited.

This kind of shit makes me sick. I mean, what makes a person do this to someone they supposedly care about? Things like this makes me think that our society is going to hell. And why do we tolerate it? We don't have to. I mean, we can do something about this. If one of your friends were to come up to you and tell you that their boyfriend was hitting them, wouldn't you want to do something about it? Even if they beg and plead for you not to tell anyone, you have an obligation to. Otherwise your no better than the person doing the hitting. What really makes me mad is that some of the people in the abusive relationships believe it is their fault. Their boyfriend or girlfriend abuses them verbally and brings down their self-esteem. Some will even do it in front of the others friends, and those friends won't do anything about it because they are afraid to make it worse. But if they are in a bad relationship where they are being physically, emotionally, or mentally hurt, then it can't really get much worse if the friends do say something.

We've become a society that is afraid to say something when we see a parent physically abuse their children in public. I'm not talking about spanking. Discipline and abuse are two different things. And people are afraid to step in because they think that they shouldn't, that its the families deal, or that someone else will. But what if no one does? What if you read in the newspaper the next day that a child was a victim of child abuse and is now dead? How would you feel knowing that it could be that little girl you saw yesterday in the mall being hit by her mom or dad?

Abuse doesn't even have to be hitting or yelling. Its also neglect. If a young child is left alone all day, or is kept in conditions you wouldn't want a stray dog to be in, then that is just as bad. My cousin's wife, who is a social worker, has taken kids out of houses that she was afraid to go into. Kids shouldn't have to live like that.

This stuff needs to be reported to someone who can help. That can be a priest, the police, a social worker, or a counselors. But someone needs to step in, otherwise I don't see much hope for these people. If they get abused and think that that's how its supposed to be, then they might abuse someone else and the cycle will keep on repeating itself. No one should have to live through this.

Yeah, soo....

So I finally got internet and cable. And now I don't have a life. Actually, I don't think I ever had a life. But now I have even less than I did. Which would make it a negative life. Which explains why I have a low self esteem. All that negativity and stuff. But hey, at least I have internet and can again give my life to Face Book. I swear that thing is a leach, it just sucks the life right out of ya.

So, did yall catch the premiere of The Real Gilligan's Island? It was pretty good, if I do say so myself. Not that I had anything to do with it, but Angie Everhart was on it, and shes pretty damn hot. So is one of the Mary Ann's. I wouldn't mind being stranded with either one of them, if ya know what I mean. And what I mean is that Mary Ann can cook and Angie can, well, ya know, shes a good actress and all...

Its been raining like crazy lately. Imagine that, it raining in East Texas. Now if it wasn't so damn hot, it would be pretty nice. Or if we could get a good breeze going. Yeah, thats it, someone should give me money. Cause a breeze would definately cool it off a little bit. Oh, and that one professor couldn't swim. What the hells up with that? I mean, you are gonna be on an ISLAND surrounded by WATER and you are probably gonna hafta GO IN THE WATER. So you would think that if you couldn't swim, you wouldn't sign up to be on the show. I don't think hes gonna last very long.

So Florida is about to get hit by another hurricane. I think God's trying to tell us something. Like He hates Florida. And He wants it to die. Or maybe He thinks there are too many old people living there and he figures the easiest way to get rid of them is to send hurricane after hurricane there until they are all gone. Eh, who cares, Texas is full of hotties so I will probably never go to Florida. Its true ya know, old people can't survive too many hurricanes. They die off after two or three. Oh, and there are a lot of b-e-a-utiful women in Texas. And I do love the ladies. Now if only that love was recipricated. Or if they loved me back. I would go for either one. Did I mention that I am a single, 20 year old male who enjoys long walks on the Lanana Creek Trail? I also love animals, trying different things (unless it involves guys), and hanging out. Eh, screw it, I'll just go find a prostitute later or something.

So the UC (University Center) flooded the other day when it rained/stormed/end of the world came. Apparently there was like 5 inches of water in the downstairs post office. But I have some good news. I just saved a ton of money on Little Ceasar's pizza. Actually, just a few bucks, but hey, to a college student, a penny is like, well, its just a penny, but still, it helps. But anyways, I'm done here, and so I'm gonna go watch TV or somethin'. Later yall.

Summer School

So after 3 days of actual classes, I have come to the conclusion that summer school is absolutely the worst thing ever. Its even worse that breathing in that smelly guys skin flakes from 3 cubicles down (but at least hes not in any of my classes). There's hardly anyone here, its hot, classes are long, and since I have already taken them before, they are really pretty boring. And if you know anything about the math classes here, you know that they are really really hard. But since you probably don't know anything about the math classes here, let me tell you, they are really, really hard. They make quantum physics seem easy, and I should know, I saw the cover of the quantum physics book, and I could read the title.

After two weeks of living in my new apartment, I still do not have internet or cable. Which makes life really boring. But I've been watching a lot of movies, so that helps pass the time. And I've been drinking, which also helps. Last night we played poker and drank. And by play I mean we played until we were too drunk to really care who won (I won by the way, no matter what Theresea says).

Anyone need a desk? We have this desk sitting in our living room taking up space and we are too lazy to take it out to the dumpster. So if you want it give me $50 and I will allow you to come pick it up. This is a limited time opportunity. If you procrastinate, some one else might jump at the chance to lose $50 and then you would feel pretty stupid, wouldn't you? But don't be too hard on yourself. Heck, you can give me $5o if it will make you feel better. That's the kind of guy I am, willing to take money from people just to make them feel better. Ah damn...

Why do they call boxers boxers? I mean, its not like boxers wear them when they fight. It would make more sense to call them under shorts, or brief shorts or something like that. I have no clue why that came to me. I need help (be quiet Mary).

I had a really good thought earlier, but now I can't remember it. Oh well. Better luck next time. This keyboard sucks. You would think the school would be able to afford keyboards that were worth a damn. I mean, they are building a brand new $30 million University Center. Surely they could spend a couple thousand on new keyboards for the library. They've even got money to build a chapel on campus (while every organization that is worth anything already has a place to worship) It's good to know that the school has their priorities in order.

Someone recently, like yesterday, told me that everyone should write a list of 100 random things about themselves to let people get to know them. Well, I'm too lazy to do that, but if anyone wants to do it for me, then go for it. Otherwise its not a bad idea. You really can learn things about your friends if they do that. It also gives you something to talk to them about.*

Bob: So Shirley, i read that list you wrote of 100 random things about yourself. I never knew you were arrested. What was it for anyway?
Shirley: Oh, I stabbed a guy in Reno when I was working there as a hooker.
Bob: ...You...you stabbed someone?
Shirley: Yeah, he didn't want to pay me.
Bob: Don't you think that was a little harsh?
Shirley: Are you sticking up for him?!
Bob: No, thats not...hey, theres no need for a knife! Get away from me!
Shirley: F#$# you! All you guys are the same. Die you son of a bitch!
Bob: Ahhhhhh!!!! (dies)

The moral of the story is I hate it when there are morals to stories. Why can't there just be a story with out bringing morals into it. All that does is make people think about what they have done, and then theres a chance that they will feel bad. So thanks, you just made someone feel bad. I hope your happy. Asshole.

* If you do decide to bring up something from someones past and you think they might be a littlt touchy about it, then don't piss them off. Bad things can happen. Just ask Bob. But he might not answer you. So just take my word on it.