That Time of the Hour?

A friend the other day posed an interesting theory to me. She said that since women go through a "cycle" as they like to call it, or pms, then men must go through one too. She thinks that men go through theirs much faster than women, like every hour. I started to think about it, and ya know what, she might be right. Cause us men can be happy one minute and ready to kill someone the next. Then give us a beer or six and we are just fine again. We are able to cry, laugh, fight, and all that other crap that women spread out over a month in just one hour. I think this is because men are so much simpler than women. How do you please a man? Give him beer, sex, food, or football. How do you please a woman? You don't. There is too much that they want for them to ever be pleased. Hell, what do I know about this. I could be totally wrong. You can go with me on this or not, I really don't give a shit. Right now I've gotta go do some laundry.

Rich, Young, Dumb, Nymphomaniac

I want a rich, young, dumb nymphomaniac. Especially one that owned a liquor store. That would solve many of the worlds problems. Ok, maybe none of the world's problems, but at least some of mine. I would get sex all the time, would never have to work, and she could bring home alcohol everyday and call it "work". She would be the kind of woman who doesn't care if I brought home another woman. Hell, she would join in on the activities. And by activities I don't mean Go Fish. Or Texas Hold 'em. Or dinner and a movie. I mean sex for those of you who still don't get it. She also wouldn't bitch if I didn't pay a whole lot of attention to her. Cause all she wants is the sex. Which is why she's a nympho. Course, she doesn't have to be dumb. Hell, she could be a genius for all I care. I have no qualms about women being smart. I think its kinda sexy. But young would be nice. Now don't get me wrong, I like older ladies as much as the next guy. But shes gotta be able to outlive me easy so I don't get stuck with all the funeral arrangments. Cause I think I would probably fuck that up pretty bad. But any way, I just want a rich, young, dumb nymphomaniac. Good ol' Jason Boland has got it all figured out. Smart man. Well, I'm off to start the interviews. Laters.

10 Things to make Classes Fun

Ya know, college classes start to lose their appeal after the first week or two of attending them. But don't despair. There are ways of making it enjoyable to actually go to your classes. Granted, some methods may not allow you to actually comprehend what goes on or even remember what happened, but hey, you can't win them all. Anyway, here are a few things you can do to spice up your college class experiences:

1. Take nyquill-Trust me, any nap is a good nap.
2. Take a few shots of anything-just don't let your professor know.
3. Bring a friend-this will give you someone interesting to talk to.
4. Bring a person of the opposite sex-be sure you sit somewhere will you will not be disturbed during your...learning experience.
5. Hook up an x-box (or some other game console) and a tv-you never know, maybe your professor is a closet Halo nut.
6. Listen to loud opera music-this can be done with or without headphones and will annoy your neighbors.
7. Start a game of kickball, get the professor to be a ref-I mean come on, who doesn't like kickball??
8. Bring a workout mat and get rid of that beer gut-it also doubles as a soft place to nap.
9. Bring beer and work on that beer gut-just make sure you put it in a different container.
10. And finally: skip class-lets face it, nothing beats not going to class.

Cause I can

Ya know, rain is a wonderful thing. Not just because it is the source of all life (cause its water and all) but also because it provides cheap entertainment and an easy way to cause significant damage to vehicles, land, and possibly anyone who decides to play in it. When it rains, this substance called mud is produced by the mixing of rain and dirt. In mud, people are able to make mud pies, which kinda taste like mud, or they can go mudding, which is pretty fun, if you have the right equipment. And no Sean, the right equipment is not a Ford Thunderbird. The right equipment is any 4-wheel drive vehicle that has a good amount of ground clearance. Or a dogsled, but those are hard to come by in East Texas. Also, you kinda need somewhere where you either won't get in trouble for driving through mud or won't get caught. Oh, and if you get stuck, you kinda need to know where you are so you can have someone come and pull you out. Otherwise you could be there for a while. Rain also has other uses, like creating mudslides to help people remodel thier houses, or, in some cases, move them. Rain is also a cheap way to wash cars, but it won't save you any money on car insurance. Why haven't you called Gieco?