Some Deep and Personal Thoughts

Alright, for those of you looking for some deep and personal thoughts, sorry, I lied. I'm not deep and I don't share my personal thoughts. Unless I dont like you. I'll tell you I don't like you in a heart beat. Thats just the way I am. Ask anyone. Well, anyone who knows me. Actually, don't ask them. They might be too honest about me, and that could make me look bad. But anyway, with the price of gas going up and everything, I've been looking for a motorcycle to buy. So if you want to send me money, let me know. If you dont want to send me money, send it anyway. Trust me, you'll be glad you did later. When you wake up and you don't see me standing above you with a knife and a crazy grin on my face just before I slit your throat. Yeah, so think about that before you go to sleep tonight. Course, I would never slit anyones throat. There is always someone somewhere willing to pay good money for people. Or parts of people. But they can get the parts out themselves. Saves me the trouble of having to clean up afterwards.

Well, I finally got a job. Only took me two semesters worth of time looking through classifieds late at night while I eat food out of the dumpster. But it seems like a pretty good job. I get to design a housing development. So if your in east Texas and you move into a really nice neighborhood sometime next year, odds are I didn't have anything to do with it. Kinda scary though, a college kid putting together all the plans for houses and water lines and stuff. Oh well, my boss signed a paper saying I won't be held liable for anything, so if shit happens, no skin off my back.

Back to the motorcycle thing, if you wanna send me money or naked pictures of hot women, just let me know. Have a good week yall.

Title?

Well, its been one of those days. No, not one of those days where you have wild sex with everyone of the opposite sex you see. Which is too bad because its been forever since I've had one of those days. Literally. I've never had one of those days. Hell, I've never had anything remotely close to one of those days. So if you happen to see me on the street and you want to make my day, buy me a corvette. A blue one with manual transmission, a hellasious stereo system, a hot naked chick, an excellent suspension system, the biggest engine that will fit, a nearly naked chick, and a removable hard top. Now I know what you are thinking. Your thinking "now Eric, why blue?" I'll tell you why blue. How many metallic Chevy blue corvettes do you see driving around? Not too many. Most get red, which is a nice color, but I would rather have metallic blue. Mostly because chocolate covered peanuts are delicious, but also because chicks dig metallic blue. (Yeah I know, that was really random, but useless information about women always comes in handy.) But seriously, its been one of those days. You know what I'm talking about, when you just want to take a gun and clean the hell out of it. (Ha ha, you thought I was gonna say shoot someone didn't you. Guess I fooled you.) Then once you get done cleaning it, shoot everyone*. (Well, you were close.) You would do this partly because people piss you off, but mostly because you ran out of chocolate covered peanuts. Damn those things are good. (Damn its cold in here. Ya see, I still live in the dorms (but only for a few more weeks!! Go me!!). You would think that they would let you adjust the temperature in your own room, but no, they want it to be the same in every room. Really damn cold. Picture a peguin shivering and your halfway to where I am. I feel sorry for the little guys. Their wings are so small and useless.) So there are some things I would like to write about on here but cant because my publicize says that it would be bad for my image if certain people read it. But come on, who reads this crap anyway? So if you have any good ideas for a title let me know and I'll use the one I think is best.

*This is a disclaimer. I would never actually shoot everyone for several reasons. 1. Theres a few girls I like and I would hate to see them die. 2. Shooting everyone would take a long time and a lot of money. 3. I have nothing against a lot of people alive. 4. That is all.

Birthdays

Birthdays are like girlfriends, they are lots of fun, expensive, last a short time, and I only have them once a year. So I have now reached the great age of 20, not old enough to buy alcohol the legal way but old enough to feel old. I'm thinking about sleeping for the next 363 days. But I dunno, maybe I'll only sleep for half the time. Birthdays are also like amnesia. You dont remember what happened, but if you see pictures, you cant deny what happened.

Mandy: Great party last night Ben!!
Ed: I had a party last night?
Mandy: Yeah, for your birthday. You were crazy!!
Ed: Ah shit, what did I do?!
Mandy: Well, first off you hooked up with Alisha and Tabitha (wink wink). You whore. You know, Tabitha was ready to jump your bones last night. I'm surprised you didnt get raped.
Ed: Aw man, it woulda been so cool if I would have gotten raped. I havent gotten laid since my last girlfriend, which was about a year ago, on my birthday. I dont really remember that day either. Man, maybe I oughta stop drinking so much. I think I might have a problem. Na, f**&# that, it was my birthday.
Mandy: Yeah....so anyway, your a whore. And Keith wants you to clean out the hot tub.
Ed: Hot tub? What hot tub?

So you get the picture. You have a birthday, you get shloggered (start using that word instead of drunk or wasted, we are trying to get it around), things happen that you dont remember, girls feel guilty, guys wish there were video cameras to help jog their memory, and one of your friends starts a gay website about you and one of your friends because for 2 nights in a row she has taken pictures with one of you in the others lap. But it doesnt bother you too much because it makes a lot of money which means you can put off finding a job that you havent really been looking for anyway. Then someone you know stumbles onto the website and spreads a rumor around to all the girls you like that you are gay. Which totally screws up your world because now you cant get a date or a prostitute because the website was shut down and you lost your source of income. I feel sorry for Ed. He cant catch a break. Which is why birthdays are like women, both are lots of fun while they last, but the next day day they leave you feeling f*$#ed up/over and they both pretend like nothing happened. Well, I'm gonna go eat.

End of the World

So I had what I would consider a pretty good post written, but since Blogger McBloggidy Blog decided to mess up, I gotta write a new one. Gee, thanks guys. I really appreciate you letting me write two posts and only getting to publish one. Well, its April Fools day. Ah crap, now I cant fool you because I already let the cat out of the bag. Well, how bout this then. Since its kinda chilly outside (at least here) and overcast (that would be here again), then I guess I could put a link on here for a video about a nice drive in sunny Ireland, or Hawaii, or whereever it is. So here ya go:


Sunday Drive

So how was it? Was it what you expected, then yeah, I know, it was a pretty pitiful attempt at lightening the mood, with it being all cold here and all. (Wow, that didnt even make that much sense to me and I wrote it. Must be the cold medicine.) If it wasn't what you expected, then, well, there ya go I guess. Well, I feel like shit so I'm gonna go eat and sleep. Happy April Fools yall.

End of the World (Apparently it will let me publish this after all)

I have come to the conclusion that the world is coming to an end. Now, I'm not one of those people who goes around thinking that just because one big, terrible thing happens, then life as we know it is over. But when so many big, terrible things are happening in the span of one year, it makes one think. And when one thinks, thoughts are made. And those thoughts usually go straight towards the worst case scenario. And since everything that is happening is big and terrible, then the worst case is usually the world ending. What are the big, terrible things? I'll tell you. Seeing old naked people running nude on a beach is a pretty terrible thing. And since most old people are not skinny, that makes it a big, terrible thing. Also, getting your pickup towed is a terrible thing. And a pickup is bigger than a car, hence it is a big, terrible thing. Ashley Simpson singing is another terrible thing. Her sister is popular because she has nice, uhm, lets call them cow bells. Yeah, she has really nice cow bells. I could listen to her cow bells all day. I would rub them and polish them with my own saliva and make them nice and, uh, shiny. And since she is popular, Ashley is able to ride the coatails of Jessica's famous cow bells. Which makes her kinda half-ass famous in a round-a-bout way. Therefore, her singing is a big, terrible thing. Now, all these big, terrible things taken one at a time is not enough to cause the end of the world, but put them all together and voila, you have dooms day. Think about it, Ashley singing, naked old people running, and pickups being towed left and right. Its mad I tell you, mad!!













Ha ha, I gotcha. The worlds not coming to the end. Life is just shitty right now. Happy April Fools everyone.