1980's

You know you grew up in the 1980's if . .

You ever ended your sentence with "psych"*
You watched the pound puppies*
You can sing the rap to"the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air"*
You yearned to be a member of the Baby-sitters club and tried to start a club of your own*
You loved the MTV logo back in the day*
You know that 'Whoa' comes from Blossom*
Three words: M.C. Hammer*
You thought it would be great to have a friend named "Boner"*
You loved those Power Ballard*
You were addicted to the Nintendo and especially had both Zelda GOld Cartridge*
You constantly used the word Dude*
You can sing the entire theme song to "Duck Tales"*
Remember reading Kool-Aid man comics*
You ever watched Fraggle Rock*
You had plastic streamers on the handle bars of your bike*
You remember When it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons*
You wore a pony tail to the side of your head*
You saw the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on the big screen *
You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school*
You made your mom buy you one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side*
You played the game "Mash" with friends at school*
You wore a Jordache jean jacket and you were proud of it*
L.A. GEAR Light Up Shoes*
Your mother wouldn't let you have garbage pail kids *
You wanted to change your name to Jem in Kindergarten*
You remember reading "Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing" and all the Ramona books*
You know the profound meaning of "Wax on,Wax off" *
You wanted to be a Goonie*
You ever wore fluorescent, neon if you will, clothing*
You wanted to be on Star Search*
You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off*
You took Lunch pales to school*
You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the ONLY female smurf *
You remember the craze, and then banning of slap bracelets *
You still get the urge to use "NOT" at the end of every statement you make*
You remember Hypercolor T-shirts*
Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band*
You remember Punky Brewster*
You loved Howard the duck *
You thought Sheera and He-Man should hook up*
You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged "friendship bracelets" *
You ever owned a pair of Jelly Shoes*
After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you couldn't top saying "I know
you are but what am I?"*
You remember "I've fallen...and I can't get up!"*
You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates *
You ever got seriously injured on a slip and slide*
You know not to mix poprocks and soda (but did it anyway!) *
You have played with a 'skip-it'*
You had or went to a birthday party at McDonald's*
You learned oldies songs by watching Alvin and the Chipmunks *
You remember dancing along with the Bangles in "Walk Like An Egyptian"*
You saw the California Raisins Christmas claymation special *
You've gone through this list occasionally saying "That wasn't from the 80's" *
You remember Popples*
DON'T WORRY, BE HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!*
You wore like 8 pairs of socks at once, scrunched down *
MISS MARY MACK MACK MACK ALL DRESSED IN BLACK BLACK BLACK.....*
You remember boom boxes instead of CD players*
You remember watching both "Gremlins" movies *
You remember the Transformers *
You remember Rainbow Bright and My Little Pony Tale! *
You remember watching TV thinking Doogie Howser was hot! *
You remember Alf, the little furry brown alien from Melmac *
You remember the large amounts of hairspray used *
You remember those very stylish headbands *
You remember the beggining of New Kids on the Block *
You remember watching The Cosby show *
You remember Michael J. Fox in Family Ties and Back to the Future *
You know all the names of the gang from "Saved by the Bell" *

So if you have more than 20-25 than that means your an uber 80's person and your coolness level is through the roof. Except your never going to reach the coolness level of REO Speedwagon. But you can be close enough of being a Jukebox Hero.*

*I didn't come up with this...but I agree with it. The '80's/'90's rocked hardcore!!! In west Philidelphia I was born and raised...

Small Towns

I am from a small town in Texas called Dalhart. Dalhart has 7,534 people and about 10 million cattle. I graduated with 88 other people. Our high school had 376 (yes, that is exact). Small town life is different than city life.

You know you are from a small town if......
_________________________________
1. You can name everyone you graduated with.
2. You know what 4-H is and you can name all the H's.
3. You ever went to a party that was held about 20 miles down a deserted dirt road.
4. You've held a party 20 miles down a deserted dirt road...and there was no building at the end of that road.
5. You went to a General Store for the essential groceries.
6. You said the 'F' word and your parents knew within an hour.
7. You schedule parties around the schedule of different police officers since you know which ones would bust you.
8. You ever went or thought about going cow-tipping.
9. School gets canceled for a sports team going to State.
10. You could never buy cigarettes cause all the store clerks knew how old you were.
11. When you did find someone old enough to buy smokes for you, you had to drive down country backroads to smoke them.
12. You never missed a Homecoming parade.
13. You still go home for Homecoming.
14. You push a "buggie" when you go to Wal-Mart, not a shopping cart.
15. Teachers didn't plan any quizzes or tests on Senior Skip Day.
16. The whole school went to the same party after graduation.
17. It's normal for kids to be absent from school during hunting season.
18. Your car is allways filthy from the dirt backroads.
19. You are always "fixin" to do something.
20. It takes 10 min to walk down your driveway.
21. Getting paid minimum wage is considered a raise.
22. You refer to anyone with a house newer than 1980 as the "rich people."
23. It's normal for people to wear "coveralls" to school.
24. You bragged to your friends because you got bigger tires on your truck for your birthday.
25. On Saturdays, anyone you want to find can be found at Main Street or the local resturants.
26. Weekend excitement involves having a barn party...where you build a barn.
27. You see nothing wrong with having a shot-gun in the back window of your pick-up.
28. You decide to walk for exercise and 5 people pull over and ask you if you need a ride.
29. Your teachers call you by your older sibling's name.
30. The closest "cool stores" (this does not include Gebo's or Auto Zone) are at least 30 miles
away.
31. Local businesses close early Friday night for the home football game.
32. If you've ever been in a traffic jam behind a tractor.
33. You've ever caused a traffic jam while driving a tractor.
34. You've ever caused a traffic jam while moving cattle.
35. The sherriff has ever called you because your cattle are causing a traffic jam.

Thats small town life. Love it or leave it. Most kids leave it...and get far far away...and then get sucked back into it and die a horribly miserable and lonely death after being married to the same person for 50 years and getting lung cancer from all those cigarettes smoked on the back roads even though they didn't ever really love the person they just didn't want to be alone.

Ninjas and the Ninja Way

I was walking down the street yesterday, minding my own business, when all of the sudden 10 ninjas jumped out of no where and demanded my money and my chicken nuggets. Needless to say, I refused and started kicking some ninja ass. Those ninjas didn't know who they were dealing with. They figured "Hey, there's a guy with chicken nuggets and some money. I bet we can take them from him no problem since, you know, we are ninjas and all. Then we can go beat up old ladies!" "Yeah, lets do it!" "Lets go!" "Hi-ya!" "Kowabunga!" "Chicken nuggets!" Little did they know that anyone with chicken nuggets in their hands has the power to call on the chicken ninjas, who don't really do much except peck and scratch, but hey, they are great for distractions. So as I was saying, I proceeded to kick their ninja asses and ended up teaching them never to try to come between a man and his nuggets.

I told that story to make a point. We have an epidemic on our hands. There are far to many women drivers with cell phones. Now, I know what you are thinking, "what do women drivers with cell phones and ninjas stealing nuggets have in common?" Well, I'll tell you what they have in common. They are both a danger to society. One is trying to control the chicken nugget reserve and drive up prices and the other can kill you. I say we put an end to both problems with one simple solution. We build an island in the Pacific Ocean and put all the ninjas and womens' drivers licenses on it. I thought about putting the women on there too, but that would just cause too many problems. Like who would do all the cooking and cleaning? Not me, thats for sure. Like I said, too many problems would arise with putting all the women on an island. Anyway, my point is, women on cell phones while driving is a hazard to my health. And probably yours. So, lets start the erradication and gather up all the problems in the world, put them on an island, and forget about them. Seems like a good idea to me.

WORLD SERIES HERE WE COME!!!!

So the Astros are going to the World Series with their 5-1 win over St. Louis tonight!!! First time in franchise history and a year after the lose to St. Louis for the title, the Astros pulled off a great win. Hell, even the St. Louis fans were cheering for the Astros after the game. You could here them yelling "Way to go Astros!!" after the last out. I'll bet CarLOSE BOOtran (Carlos Beltran, but what ever) is kicking himself in the ass for selling out and going to New York (or he is hanging somewhere in a closet, surrounded by his own feces, with rats around him, refusing to even go near such a piece of scum). Anyway, just thought I would put this out there. GO 'STROS!!!

Dr. Pepper

Did you know that the wonderful drink, Dr. Pepper, was invented here in Texas? Waco, Texas, to be exact. Did you also know that most states above the Mason-Dixie line do not carry Dr. Pepper? Its an abomination I tell ya. How can they not stock one of the tastiest carbonated beverages ever made?! It drives me loco to go up north and order a Dr. Pepper only to get the response "Oh, I'm sorry, we don't have Dr. Pepper here. How about a Pepsi?" ...Did I order a Pepsi? Did I even order a Coke? No, I did not. I ordered a Dr. Pepper. The next closest thing to that is Mr. Pibb, and its still not even close. If I wanted a Pepsi (which I obviously didn't) then I would have ordered one. Now go out and get me a damn Dr. Pepper before I slit your throat you lazy ass disrespectful no good northern wanker.*

You know what really grinds my gears? Little baby rabbits. Thats right, I despise the cuddly little furballs. They are so damn cute and then they grow up and eat all your carrots. They eat my carrots which I planted and watered and nutured and then they come and eat them. It keeps me up at night. And sometimes I cry a little bit.** Then I wake up the next morning and I go hunting wabbits. And if you go you gotta be vewwy vewwy quiet so we can sneek up on em and shoot em and eat em in a big pot of stew. Wabbit stew. Mmmm.

If I said you had a beautiful foot would you let me lick it? Well, would you? Come on, I need an answer ASAP. Cause if you won't I know someone who will and I will just go lick their foot and then where would you be? You wouldn't be getting your foot licked thats for sure.





*I don't really dislike northerners. I just like Dr. Pepper and think yall should have the opportunity to enjoy it also. Oh, and yall aren't all wankers.

**I don't actually cry. Guys don't cry, especially when they are also robots. Unless they are gay robots. Then they cry all the time. But I have a heart of stone and never ever cry.

My Job is Awesome and Yours Just Sucks

It is highly probable that, if you are currently in college and making between 5 and 7 dollars an hour, my job is much better than yours. I'm not bragging or anything, I am just stating a fact. What do you do at your job? Do you have to do paperwork or sit at a desk and do mindless work that you really couldn't care less about? Are you someones little assistant that must do their every wish and all you really want to do is cut off their head? Do you have to deal with 4 year olds at a daycare or 4 year olds in a high school? Guess what my job consists of. If you guessed taking naps, doing homework, eating free food, and having free reign of an entire University Center, you are absolutely right. Now, none of that is listed under the job description, but that is basically what I do at work. I show up, clock in, see what all is scheduled for the day, make sure doors that need to be open are open, and then sit back and wait for closing time. If there is any food left over from an event, its fair game. I get to rub elbows with a lot of important people at the University, including the president, Dr. Tito himself. And I get paid to do all this stuff too. Doesn't that sound like a kick ass job? Now, its not something I would want to do for the rest of my life, but while I'm in college, it works pretty well for me. Anyways, I'm happy with it. It puts cash in my pocket and gives me time to catch up on the sleep I missed because I decided to stay up till 4 playing Halo.

Now this paragraph will have nothing to do with your sucky job, but it will have everything to do with prescription drugs and why you should always share them with your friends. Drugs like codine and percocet do wonders for pain, and I see no reason why anyone should feel the need to keep all of the medicine the doctor gives them to themselves. Didn't your mother tell you to share? You should always share with your friends. Especially if your friend asks nicely. Or if they threaten to hit you over your head with a steel pipe and take your drugs. Cause if you don't then you will have a splitting headache and no medicine to take the pain away. So share and save yourself a lot of pain.*

I just had a brilliant idea. An idea that will make me and anyone involved a fortune and put an end to a lot of suffering throughout the world. Yep, should work.

Batman keeps staring at me. I woke up this morning and there he was, sitting on my desk with his fist raised, just staring. Always staring. Never blinking. Its inhuman. In fact, its not human-like at all. "What Batman? What are you gonna do, huh? Bring it you flying rodent, bring it!!" *crash*bang*boom*ka-pow!!* "Thats what I thought."

*I'm just kidding. Sharing prescription drugs is not something you should do on a daily basis. But if you do happen to have extra, give me some, cause God only knows when I will do something that will require a lot of hardcore pain meds.

Yeah...

For the past few days I've felt like a fish swimming in a blender. Next to the blender is a fishbowl and a net, and all someone has to do is take that net and put me in the aquarium, and everything would be ok. Yesterday, I got a job, and was feeling like I was about to find out what the aquarium would be like. Then today, someone walked in, looked at the aquarium and the net, and somehow turned on the blender without meaning to. What sucks even worse than that, I can't even blame that person because they didn't know better until it was too late. I can only blame myself for waiting. Fuck me.

Remotes and Why They are Usefull

Remotes are usefull because you can be lazy.

Its that time of the week again! You guessed it...its get drunk by yourself night!! Everyone's favorite night of the week (next to buy Eric a drink night, which just so happens to be every night BUT get drunk by yourself night) is now upon us again, and I am going to take this time to give everyone a brief lesson on what to do and what not to do when you get drunk by yourself.

First off, play Halo or Halo on-line. In fact, play any game that you have. It doesn't really matter what game it is. It is a proven fact that you will play better after you have been drinking.

Secondly, (I've always liked the word secondly, it just sounds good) make sure you have enough alcohol to get as drunk as you want. Actually, this should be the first thing you do, not the second. So lets pretend that the first off and the secondly paragraphs are switched. Yeah, just go on and switch them, cause if ya don't, you might hafta go buy some more alcohol, in which case one of two things might happen: you'll either be too intoxicated to drive (never drive drunk kids, bad stuff happens, trust me) or the stores will be closed/won't sell alcohol to you.

Thirdly...ah hem, I mean...Thirdly, never ever ever call someone you like (unless you are already dating them, then its all good, they will understand). If you call someone you like, most likely you will say something that will be "not good" to getting them to like you. Trust me, drunk dialing your crushes only leads to devestating results. Hold on, I smell something burning...Never mind, it was just Scott making pasta...mmm, pasta...So yeah, don't call people you like, bad stuff happens.

Fourthly, (not sure if that is a word, but oh well) make sure you have food, because you will most likely get the drunk munchies. I know I always do. Makes me wish there was an Allsup's convienence store here, cause I could always go for an Allsup's burrito when I am drinking. Por que East Texas, por que?!!! Chips make good munchie snacks, as do hot pockets. Just an example.

Fifthly, if you are gonna call someone you like, at least tell them you like them and that you're drunk so they have some understanding as to why you are calling them at 4 am, waking them up, and rambling on about how much you love doritos and don't they love doritos too and you wish they were there getting drunk with you and all that crap.

Sixthly, I don't really have much else to say, I just wanted to see sixthly written out and see if it looks as wierd as it sounds. And it does. But it is still cool and you should all use it. Now go get drunk by yourself. And buy me drinks. Trust me, its a good idea. Adios.

DISCLAIMER: I am in no way responsible for anything you say to someone you like when you call them drunk. Nor am I responsible for the nasty drunk-food-puke that the night will inevitably result in. So just clean it up yourself you lazy ass.