Yep. Yep. Mmhhmm. Yep.

So recently some poor souls got to see me dance/dance with me. I must apologize for that. I was forced into it. Im sorry. But I'm not sorry that I got to dance with some very attractive girls. All I can say is wow Amy, I didnt know you could do that on the dance floor. Thank you. Thank you very much. I heart you. Oh, and sorry bout the, uhh, yeah, sorry bout that. Who woulda guessed that could happen? But anyway, back to Texas. I have come to the conclusion that Texas is the greatest country in the world. (Yes, that is right, I said country. In case you didnt know, Texas became its own country in 1885 when Dr. Pepper was invented in Waco. After this invention, the people of Texas, commonly known as Texans, decided that the delicious drink would bring in enough revenue to support a small country. So the leaders ceceded from the Union, and a new country was born.) We have the highest concentration of hot woman, even higher than Hawaii. (I can say this because I have been there, and while there are some very attractive women there, there are also quiet a few unnattractive women, so that dilutes the hottness factor.) If you dont believe it, then I shall prove it. Just travel to Texas, and I guarrentee that in 5 minutes or less, you will see approximately 7.4 hot women. You will also see 3 horses, 10 cows, 4 George W. Bush in 2004 signs, and 16 bars. Remember where the bars are. There is usually a good hottness factor in there. Unless its that crappy bar in Texarkana, stay outta there. (Insert bad mental image here.) We also have good beer, which was described in detail in a previous post. We have a beach to the south and snow in the north. We have some of the best colleges and college towns in North America, we still have the death penalty to get rid of idiots I mean really really bad people, and everything is bigger in Texas. Don't believe me? Just ask any Texas man to drop his pants or any Texas woman to pull up her shirt. I guarentee that you will be looking down the barrel of the biggest gun you have ever seen in under 2 seconds. The point is, get me drunk and I can dance, otherwise look out.

Another Break in the Storm

Spring break is barely behind us and already we are getting ready for Easter. Easter will bring us happiness, good times with our family and friends, good food, and another four day weekend. There are many things to accomplish this weekend. Studying is not one of them. Gaining weight is, at least for me. It would also be nice to hook up with my friend's hot friend, but I would have a better chance of getting Bavarian cancer from a turtle, which is next to impossible. But it can be done, especially if the giraffe was under 20 feet tall. But then I would have to buy the duck a turtle neck, which I have never understood because turtles' necks and turtle necks are nothing alike. And why the hell would a pigeon need a fountain pen? A bic would work just fine. But if I could hook up with his hot friend, that would make me very happy. Because she is very hot. I think she has a personality, but that doesnt really matter. As long as she can breath, whether it is on her own or not, it is all good. I'm gonna go eat crawfish. Have a good Easter everyone.

Cellphones suck

Cellphones suck. But that is not what this is about. This is about all the tyranny and communism that is in Antartica. Those damn penguins need to get their acts together and overthrow the polar bears. If they dont, they will spend the rest of their lives wondering what if. What if we stood up to them and Jimmy didnt get eaten. Jimmy could have married Rebecca, gotten his masters, cured cancer, and invented the new "sliced bread". What if we had made that pact with the killer whales against the polar bears? Then we could have double crossed the killer whales once all the bears were under our control, which would give us total control over the entire continent. Then I thought, wait, there are no polar bears on Antartica. So yeah, cellphones suck.

Spring Break

Spring Break is upon us once again. And for those of us lucky enough to be able to go somewhere fun, like South Padre (Josh, you ass (I must make a correction here, I found out that Josh is not going to South Padre, so he is not an ass in this respect)) or fishing in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico (Josh, your still an ass (also, he is not going fishing anymore (poor guy's plans all got messed up) so he is not an ass in this respect either)) or skiing (well Josh, at least your not doing that), it can be a pretty fun time. But for those of us that cannot afford to do anything fun, we are stuck at home. Home can be fun, as long as your friends are around and you dont live in Dalhart. Then there are those of us that fit into those two catagories. What are we supposed to do? Well, while I have been sitting around watching tv and getting fat, I have thought of a few things to do. Here they are. Have fun. Be kinda safe.

1. Go anywheres else.
2. Go to a bar or some other place where there are actually people
3. Shoot yourself in the foot (that is why you can only be kinda safe)
4. If you dont wanna shoot yourself in the foot, shoot someone else.
5. 'Course, then you will probably go to jail, which could be kinda fun.
6. Number 5 really wasn't a suggestion. It was more of an after thought.
7. So was number 6. And this one.
8. Go out for a day and be a begger. Who knows what people will give you.
9. Write your own damn blog. This ain't easy ya know.
10. Stop sitting at your computer and get a life. Thats what I'm gonna do.
11. I was kidding. I cant get a life. Im too lazy.
12. But you can still get a life.
13. Or you can read this.
14. I dont really care.
15. Its your choice.
16. So whatever.
17. Its cool.
18. Laters.

Tastes Like Country, Smells Like Rock and Roll

http://newyorkintern.blogspot.com/
Check it out.

Why? Well, why the hell not?

There are people who always ask why. Why is the the world round, why are we here, why does Ashley Simpson have her own show, recording contract, and an unbelievably hot yet stupid sister? Well, I think I have found a much better question to ask. Why not? (Well, except for the whole Ashely Simpson thing. I still gotta ask why on all those. She doesn't deserve any of it. Shes ugly, she can't sing for shit, I personally would rather gouge my eyes out with a wall than watch her show. I don't know if you can gouge your eyes out with a wall, but I would rather do it than watch her show. Ok, I already said that. I'm repeating myself. Which makes me repetitive. Which means I say stuff over and over.) When people ask "Why is the sky blue?" I ask why not? Would it look better pink? I dont think so. Why is alcohol good for you? Why not? If it was bad for you, no one would do it. Duh. It makes me mad to hear so many people ask why all the damn time. Quit questioning the way the world is/was/will be and just go along with it. If you die tomorrow, I sure as hell won't ask why. I'll ask why not 2 weeks ago right before I hit your car with a baseball bat because you pissed me off and I got arrested? To me, that is a much better question. Now I must go to class. Why? Well, why not?

I Can't Think of a Good Title

Well, I really didn't want to ever write about what I did today, with today applying to any day I decide to post something on this thing called a blog, and I won't. Instead I am going to write about my hometown. Not that Dalhart is interesting. Its not. There is nothing to do there. We don't even have a Wal-mart, we have an Alco's. Which is a cheap version of Wal-mart, which is kind of impossible since Wal-mart is supposed to be just a giant cheap store that puts all the little mom and pop stores out of business. Damn super convient store that has everything and will be the downfall of the great nation of Carneymanland!! Actually it won't be the downfall because Carneymanland will never allow Wal-marts inside our gates I mean borders. But we do have a bowling alley. Dalhart, I mean. Dalhart has a bowling alley. And a movie theater, although it is rather crappy. We do have a lake though. Its pretty nice if you dont go in the water. Bad stuff happens when you go in the water. Like death. Death is pretty bad. Usually. Occasionally it is good, like when you fly off a cliff in your friends/parents/arch nemisis's car. But the cliffs near Dalhart wouldn't be much fun to fly off of. Not high enough. Height is needed for a good crash and explosion. There is also the washout, which is a good place to go and learn history, like who slept with who, who graduated when, whose mother made the best cookies, whose mother had the best cookies; and all that done in colorfull art type writing. Then there is the always fun-run from the law- fourwheelers arent allowed on public roads-speech. And the fine that follows.
Officer: Good after noon fellas. Didn't you see me back in town trying to get you to stop?
Us: Uh, no sir, sure didnt.
Officer: Then why did yall take off down those alleys and try to hide behind the dumpster?
Us: Uhm, it was hot and the dumpster provided good shade.
Officer: Well, even though I did the same thing as a kid, Im gonna hafta write you a ticket for illegal use of a sidewalk. Oh, and next time you need some weed, just give me a call, you know Ive got the best stuff.
Us: No thanks man, its still a little weird to buy it from you.
Totally did not make that last part up. Actually happened. Several officers "retired" because of that. Not the riding fourwheelers part, the weed part. Dumbass cops. Thats another thing you can count on in Dalhart, cops ruining all the fun. Once had some try to give us all citations for an "illegal assembly," during lunch. At a park. With no real cause. Except to eat. At the picnic tables. I swear theres a conspiracy there somewhere. Ok, Im off to get some sleep. Hopefully I wont get arrested for illegal use of a pillow or something. Laters

Food

I've come to the conclusion that food is one of the best things on earth. Not only does it comfort you when you are down, it also keeps you alive. Which is pretty handy since most people want to live for a few more days. It also gives you something to do. Bored? Grab a sandwich. Got time to kill before your big meeting? Go to a fast food joint and get a hamburger with everything. Its also part of the EPS system. Eat Poop Sleep. When you're feeling like crap, just eat, poop, and sleep and you will wake up feeling like a million bucks. Unless of course you are a dumbass that eats something that makes you sick. Then you deserve what you get you little worthless piece of shit. But yeah, it is a tried and true method for getting over anything from a broken heart to indigestion. Well, I gotta go feed my habit and my stomach. Laters.