Random Thoughts, Part 3

Its time again for some more random thoughts on the whys of life, secrets of life, the universe, and everything, and other stuff...be afraid, be very afraid.

So there is a poodle on my wall. Well, not actually a poodle, more of a picture of a poodle named Fifi. Its been there for a couple of weeks now, actually. There used to be more, but the others were easier to get to than this one, so I took them down. I'm not really sure what the poodle is for, other than it is used at the Delta Zeta sororiety. I'm not really sure if I can tell you that, because there are so many things that they do (or rather, can't do, they have a lot of laws and rules and stuff that they have to follow, its crazy). Oh well, if a bunch of sororiety girls show up on my front porch that will mean two things, a) people actually do read this, which is good, and b) I will probably be beaten severely and maybe even killed, which is a good thing and a bad thing. Actually, its just a bad thing cause dieing isn't too much fun, or so I've heard.

Who knew mud could cause so much anger and other bad things. It has caused wars (luckily I was able to avoid one last night, but it was close) and famines and many men have been killed by angry women for tracking it in to houses and other places that it is hard to clean up at there on carpetlike stuff and dog hair. If you understood the last part of that then kudos to you. Does anyone know how to spell kudos? It could be kudos, or koodos, or kudoes, or kuudoes, or kuudos, or many other different ways. It has always perplexed me.

Firing people is not easy. Especially when you don't tell them that they are fired. Me and John, the guy I work with, have been meaning to fire...wait, lets call that guy John1...we have been meaning to fire this other guy, we will call him Frank2, we have been meaning to fire him for a few weeks now. Don't get me wrong, he deserves to be let go, cause he is a waste of money and time and air and brain waves. Its just that we really don't feel like calling him and telling him. He doesn't always get what we tell him. That and we sit by him in Engineering design, and so if we piss him off we will have to hear about it for the rest of the semester. And if we have more classes with him, then we will have to listen to his griping and complaining then too. Plus he might go to our professor and complain to him about it, and that would just not be cool in the most uncool way possible. So yeah, we need to take care of that.

So Sean is standing in my room eating a hamburger (oh, I'm sorry, a spicy chicken sandwhich) saying "you like them bitches huh, dont ya, you like them bitches...". He has problems. Thats about it.

So I can tell the future now. I woke up this morning and for some reason I thought, "I bet Mary is gonna be in my American Lit class." Then I thought "Na, I'll probably just see her on my way there, cause I usually do." So I walked into Amer. Lit and who is the first person I see but Mary. It was kinda weird and neither of us really wanted to talk to each other cause we were pissed at each other for reasons which will go unsaid. And some emails which will not be read.

I'm still waiting for someone to find out how to talk to people long distance. Without phones. Just talk. It would make it so much easier. Cause phones are expensive and they break and they cause cancer in your head. All those things are bad. So if someone comes up with a good way to talk long distance, let me know. I will gladly use it for free.

I'm thinking God is trying to send us a message. He doesn't like New Orleans, and he hates Florida. He is sending hurricane after hurricane to them. You would think people would get wise and quit trying to rebuild Florida. They rebuild, He sends another hurricane, destroys everything, they rebuild, He sends hurricane, the process will go on forever. Get the hint people. Florida sucks and God doesn't want you there. And New Orleans is old and a bowl and needs to be a big lake. Or something. I'm not really sure what He has against New Orleans. I'm sure He has a good reason though.

Welp, I'm out of thoughts, so I'm gonna go waste brain cells on TV. Church out.

This Doesn't Deserve A Title

Top Ten: What Girls Say/What Guys Hear (In no particular order at all)

10. I think I might be pregnant/Your screwed, start giving me money.
9. You're so sweet/Girls don't go for guys like you, which is why you should be gay.
8. You're soft like a pillow/You need to lose weight.
7. I can tell you anything/Yeah, you have no chance with me.
6. You're like the brother I never had/You're not cute, we will never date, buy my dinner.
5. Let's just be friends/Date? Us? Together? What will my girlfriends say?
4. It would never work/You don't have enough money to make me happy.
3. We have too much history/I slept with your brother.
2. You remind me of my dad/I don't have a problem with incest.
1. I like you too much as a friend/I know too much about you, and frankly, I'm disgusted.

Things Guys Don't Ever Want To Hear, Ever, At All

10. We need to talk...
9. Your dad's hot!
8. That's not how your dad does it.
7. Does this make me look fat? (trust me, no good answer)
6. Notice anything different about me? (again, every answer is wrong, cause face it, guys do not notice things unless they are gay)
5. Me and my girlfriends were talking and...(unless it ends with "and I think we should have a 3-some/4-some/etc...)
4. Have you ever had anything shoved up your ass?
3. Bend on over boy...(usually happens in prison, but you never know)
2. I think you should meet my parents.
1. You would really like my friend (insert friends name here), she has a great personality.

Light and other Bright Stuff

The powers that be decided it would be a good idea to put pepsi machines in our apartment complex. Ok. The problem is that they are located about 10 feet from our front door, which during the light of day, doesn't seem like a bad idea. The problem arises when night falls, and the glow from the machines shines like a full moon directly into our windows. I swear, its like we have a f*#&ing neon sign on our porch. Oh yeah, and they neglected to put a snack machine in as well, which is what we were all really hoping for. But the point is, not only is there now gonna be traffic outside our apartment 24/7, but now there is gonna be traffic outside our apartment 24/7. Which means kids, drug dealers, rapists, and old people are going to be walking back and forth in outside our home and we can no longer walk around naked with the blinds open. And we can't do this anymore because Mercantile Properties left a note on our door saying we couldn't. Something about "indecent exposure" and "a lawsuit if you fail to comply" and "we (Mercantile Properties) are gay and would be too distracted by your manliness and wouldn't get any work done" and a bunch of other crap. The poor girls next door, now they can no longer enjoy the shows we put on every day at 4 in our living room.

So I almost ran over a kid today. Actually, I almost run over a kid everyday, but they are too damn fast. You see, these kids in our apt. complex got a little motorcycle (you know, one of the really small ones you see clowns riding at the circus), and they tend to swap seats right at the entrance to the complex, which just so happens to be a high traffic area and one that I frequent, mainly because its the only damn entrance we've got. These kids have no respect, they go tearing down the sidewalk (the same one that now leads to the pepsi machines), stop in the middle of the parking lot, usually in my way. So we (me and my roomates and neighbors and friends) have taken it upon ourselves to rid the complex of these "rodents on wheels" by speeding up and giving ourselves points for each one we take out. So far I'm up to 45 points, but I hope to really increase my score this weekend, seeing as they tend to ride it more then anyway. But by the current standings, I am now in 2nd place, just 5 points behind Johnny "John John" Johnson.

And now for a public service announcement brought to you by Mercantile Properties, "Just bend over and take it":

Kids, we are here today to tell you the dangers of taking pain killers while drinking and driving. You see, pain killers enhance the effects of drinking, and they can impair your drunk driving skills. So you should only do it when under the supervision of someone taller than you are. Doing so will greatly increase the likelyhood that you will have someone taller than you are die when you drink and drive under the influence of pain medication. This Public Service Announcement has been brought to you by the gay I mean great folks over at Mercantile Properties. "Mercantile Properties, just bend over and take it."

Well thats about all I have today, so until next time, keep the dirt red, the women hot and the beer cold. Adios yall.

Yesterday

So I spent 5 hours in Center, Texas, yesterday. If you ever get the chance, pass. Center sucks. Its hot, it smells bad (and where we were, which was right by Tyson Chickens, you get a new bad smell every ten steps), the people are weird, its hot, it smells bad, there are lots of thorny vines everywhere, the people are weird, and it smells really really bad. But I made good money so it wasn't all for naught. And I got to ride my 4 wheeler while working, which is always a plus. And hopefully we convinced our bosses to put in a frig full of beer, if not a kegerator. If they do that I will spend every waking moment there, working of course. I really hope they do. And a pool, or a hot tub. That would be nice.

So apparently the trailer park is just a front. The real money is gonna come from the "botanical garden" they are gonna have. That and the pay phone, which will be able to recieve calls. And if you are thinking flowers, you are wrong. By botanical I mean weed and by garden I mean weed and by weed I mean Mary Jane and by Mary Jane I mean marijuana. If you still have no idea what I am talking about then that means you can't read english and so yeah, you should leave. Or if your with the DEA or FBI or something, then you should also leave. Not because I have something to hide, because I don't, its just that I don't particularly like the fact that you are reading my site because someday I might do something illegal and for some crazy reason write about it on here. Then I definately wouldn't want you reading this. But if you are a Russian spy or a guy named Zero, then you can read this, but at your own risk. Just remember, I have you in my sights. Quit trying to duck, that book won't save you. Neither will that...is that a baby?! Your sick dude, really sick.